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Recent Movie Reviews


Stay in School Stay in School

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars

The rain was sort of soothing...

Here's a good reason for staying in school... learning how to spell "coming."



Greenpeace Commercial Greenpeace Commercial

Rated 2 / 5 stars

What would we do without Dutchmen?

I don't see why you have to be Dutch to understand that. I mean, our country's seals deflate when you puncture them just like yours! And who enjoys shooting bloodless, motionless birds out of the sky more than our good friends the Canadians? And, as we all know, the honorable Japanese are experts at sinking whales. Some German dude should make a movie involving genocide. Now THAT would be original!


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A Warped Fairy Tail A Warped Fairy Tail

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Is Mad losing?

Is Mad going under or something? First they start taking advertisements, now they're begging for tips on why no one likes their magazine anymore. Well maybe I can help. I bought Mad straight up to ninth grade, when I suddenly realized that the humor is stale and badly-worded, not to mention overal corny. What I mean is, the writing nowadays seems like it's written by a team of sixty year-old men. And your movie parodies... "Cannibal?" "MALpractice?" give me a break. It's not even charming corny. And you even parody tounge-in-cheek comedies. That's reduntant.
Easy fix to the problem: Just mature the humor. You're selling to too young a crowd. Only kids like your magazine, cause they don't understand sophisticated irony and high-quality parody. I recall my dad telling me once that Mad used to be considered razor-edged social commentary. Now it's like a bad comedian in front of a brick wall.

p.s. What the hell is "The Lighter Side" doing in publication? Does anyone under a hundred find it funny? Should I go back in time to the forties so I'll appreciate it? What moldy old man sold his soul to satan to get that in the magazine?

Devoted fan until puberty,
ryan P. gillarde


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Recent Game Reviews


you pick portal music v.1 you pick portal music v.1

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Number 2

Definitely #2. Great, steady beat, loops nicely and doesn't sound all slow, wierd, and stupid.
NUMBER 2!!!

--ryan


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The Raise (Revised) The Raise (Revised)

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Over-rated

That was so unrealistic. Who's actually like that? Bosses don't just fire people left and right. All I did was mention my damn cat, for christ sake!

Unique idea, though

--ryan



Castlevania Priest Battle Castlevania Priest Battle

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Pretty good

But damn, it's too hard to jump across that drop when you're fighting jesus. I quit cause i kept falling every time i tried to jump. And why can't you use the whip in midair? Is it impossible to program or something?

Well it was a good game either way. Pretty funny.

--ryan


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